An Open Letter To My Anxiety

Dear A,

You frustrate me beyond belief, scare me, come out of nowhere and ruin my whole day. You gnaw away at me from the inside out, bubbling like a volcano until my emotions, my words, my tears have all erupted from me. You make me sweat and shake, make me question everything I do and everything I say. You're a life ruiner, simple as that

2015 me was vunerable to you, weak at the knees shuddering at the thought of you, she let you take over her, smother her in your essence until she couldn't breathe. But 2017 me isn't taking it anymore. I understand you now, I've gotten to know you and exactly how you function, I understand every move you make before you make it. I can prevent you now, can stop you reaching the surface and ruining my day. I smile as I push you down back inside me, knowing today is not the day you show your face my sly, slippery little friend.

You may still live inside me and this is something I'm afraid I may always have to endure, but the way you make me feel, the things you stop me from doing, the things you tell me, that's all stopping. You will try your hardest, if I know you well you will try very hard to stop me. You'll try and make me go back to that dark place from two years ago, try and get me to once again join the dark side of terror and despair. But believe me, that part of my life is long gone.

Sure sometimes you'll make my heart race, make me nervous and upset. But I know now not to listen to you, I understand now that i make my decisions not you. I understand that I am no longer defined by you. I am defined by my talents, my kindness and my conviction. I am defined by my survival of you, not your existence within me.

So stick around if you wish to torment me further, but just know I am one step ahead of you, all the time.

Molly
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