How i'm dealing with results day

In exactly a weeks time, my A Level results will be published and my entire future fate will be decided so naturally i'm a little bit nervous. I've had a really difficult journey with academia in the last few years and as a result have intense insecurity when it comes to exams and assessments. As a child i was always bright and good at school, it was pretty much decided for me that i would do averagely well, go onto university and get some sort of degree. But due to my severe mental breakdown in 2015, my entire academic future went out of the window

I managed to pull myself together last year after several failed attempts at continuing in formal education and i enrolled in an online distance A Level course in January 2016. I studied it from home with several ups and downs and completed my exams in May and June of this year. I don't really know how they went, my results could either be awful or brilliant. But my entire perspective on academic success has changed so much in the last two years.

Now for some context as to why i'm so nervous for my results; i have an unconditional offer from The University of Northampton to study Creative Writing so that's great, but my dream university is Bath Spa and to study there, i will actually need some grades (some semi decent ones.) Now either way (if i completely fail) i still get to go to university and do a degree in writing which is my dream, but Bath Spa grabbed my heart as soon as i stepped onto the campus for the first time and i've been obsessed ever since. So the thought of not quite being good enough to go there is incredibly heartbreaking, hence why i am so very nervous for next Thursday. That's the drawback of loving something, it's then something you can lose.

But in terms of my growth and maturity in the last year, i've learnt so much about myself and about failure. And as much as my exams could have been a complete fail, and i may well not get to the University i want to, i really do believe that most things happen for a reason. Whatever result i wake up to on Thursday, i know in my heart of hearts that it's the University i am meant to go to. It is terrifying, but i am strong enough now to understand this.

I'm just so excited to move away from my little village and start this big adventure. I'm a year behind most people my age, my twin brother and all of my best friends went to Uni last September and i've been mightily jealous. I'm so flipping excited to move to a new City, to start a degree i'm so passionate about and meet tons of amazing people. Wherever i go, i know that the experience will change my life. 

I'm also just so proud of myself. Through the inevitable tears on Thursday, i know i'll sit back and be incredibly chuffed that i did it. My exams were a daunting task for me to complete and i managed to sit through ten of them without one single panic attack. I've come so far in the last two years and know that i have built strength, integrity and resilience now to last me a life time.

To anyone else, sitting around nervously waiting for exam results, you are amazing. Honestly incredible, well done, have a go at patting yourself on the back because you deserve it. If no one else tells you this on results day, i am proud of you. You may do way better than you're expecting or way worse, but despite the snide comments parents, teachers and relatives may make, you have done brilliantly and you should be so proud. Exams are so tough and our generation are so fucking strong and resilient. There's so much pressure on results day, but try not to compare your grades to anyone elses. Luckily i'm getting mine via email so i won't do that thing where you ask everyone in your year what they got and then cry in the car on the way home that you're so much dumber than your classmates. I'll read my results, probably be in shock for a while and then i'll bounce back and start to plan the next steps of this crazy adventure i'm on

Whatever life has got planned for you, whichever uni you're going to or whatever plans you make. Stay strong, keep believing in yourself and good luck!

Speak soon,

Molly

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