Staying postive this Christmas

It seems to me that you can't predict anything, not a damn thing. And believe me i try, i like to predict and plan and make pretentiously long lists but the thing is they always amount to nothing. As cheesy and nonsensical as it sounds, life just never works out the way you plan or hope. The end of this year has been really weird for me, some big lows and big highs. But the most shocking part of this year is that everything went totally differently to how i was planning. As much as that's frustrating, i look back on previous life events and am so grateful things happened the way they did

The people i've met, my favourite people, best friends were all around a corner that i could so easily have missed. I'm so glad i didn't miss them, that i found them at the exact moment i did. I met one of my best friends after she broke my finger during a game of PE basketball and although our initial meeting was painful, she's turned out to be one of my best friends ever and i can't imagine my life without her

I've been a bit mopey these past few months, feeling sorry for myself and generally feeling angst towards the world. And whilst it's okay to admit things haven't gone brilliantly, lots of various little things went wrong and there's no point in denying that. It doesn't justify losing hope entirely, maybe i'll lose hope entirely when the world runs out of chocolate or christmas is permanently cancelled but right now, things really aren't that bad and i have more to be grateful for than i realise

I've been at rock bottoms much mightier than this, yes some things have gone wrong but i've built up a rather strong shell these past few years. I'm pretty tough, i may not look it and physically i probably have the upper body strength of a piece of tin foil but mentally and emotionally, strong as fuck. I nearly let the last few months break me can you believe that? I know right this girls crazy. Maybe i'm getting all deep and confident because it's nearly a brand new year and it has that effect on me or maybe i'm just deciding to sum things up like at the end of greys anatomy episodes, i don't know. But i've decided i'm not going to let some silly little problems get in the way of my commendable strength.

And neither should you. Generally peoples mental health at this time of year is bad, people feel low and hopeless. But it doesn't have to be that way, you don't have to let those negative thoughts win. It takes a lot of energy and for me a lot of encouragement that i'm not a total failure, but i'm trying a thing this christmas where i appreciate the things that i have whilst ignoring the things that i don't. Yes my mental health wasn't great and i had a few arguments and little things went wrong. BUT i have incredible friends and family back home and at university, support systems in place there and here in case of any future wobbles. I have two homes now, that means two beds and two different duvet sets! I have a warm house to celebrate christmas in, a pretty christmas tree and a lovely roast turkey lunch to look forward to. I still have books, writing, music and my favourite tv shows. I have parents that would do anything for me, family that care so much about me. I have a lot of things, a lot of brilliant things. I know mental illnesses are ugly creatures that show up regardless of how lovely your life is or how moist your turkey will be on christmas day, but it really helps me to remember how lucky i am. That i have things to be grateful for, that i have more than some and less than some. That my happiness is measured in more than materialistic goods. And that genuinely, even though some things don't work out how you hope, they always work out for one reason or another in a way that benefits you more in the long run

Stay positive and warm this christmas
Molly
xxx