I'm Not smart enough for University

It's so easy to feel overwhelmed. And if it isn't then maybe I just find it easy. But the feeling of incompetencey that so easily washes over each and every one of us comes around quickly. It's easy to feel as if you're not good enough or you're not working hard enough. We could all compile a list of our responsibilities and then go through that list and tick off at least 5 things we're not doing but are supposed to be. But it's easy to assume that everyone around you has their shit together, university, however, has taught me that this is almost never true.

I'm sat in our uni library right now, should probably be finishing off an assignment or doing my readings. But I'm sat, writing this. There are several people around me not doing what they're supposed to be. One girl is ordering clothes online and a guy next to me is snapchatting his friend and giggling under his breath about it. Before coming to uni it was easy to assume everyone was smarter than me, easy to assume everyone was more prepared and more degree worthy. And for a large part of last year I really believed that. And the more I thought about it, the more I became increasingly overwhelmed by it. I made myself believe that because people in my classes seemed more prepared than me or better at this degree than me, that this somehow affected my own abilities? As if what someone else is doing even remotely affects your own talent and knowledge? Yes, some of the people in my lecture hall are smarter than me and some of them have highlighted notes and laminated worksheets. And yes my notes are scribbled and crumpled. But they're still notes. I still did the work, I still get the grades, I still got into this university and into my second year. I still work hard and I deserve to be here as much as anyone else.

That doesn't change because I doubt myself, the doubt comes and goes. But it ultimately means nothing in the grand scheme of this degree. Yes I'm going to panic and worry and fret about my ability. But throughout the doubt, I remain a smart, driven and capable person. Those aspects of myself don't change because I feel insecure. So repeat after me:

I am good enough for this degree, I am smart enough to do well here, I am capable enough to complete assignments and I am passionate enough to enjoy the process.

It's easy to doubt being at University, I do it almost every day. But I'm here because I worked hard and I was driven, passionate and free thinking. I got myself here based upon that merit, I saw a degree that I wanted to do and I applied. I worked myself silly and I got in. I'm here because I am strong and capable and fucking clever. I got in because of all of those aspects about myself that I so frequently doubt. I got in because of that intelligence I forget I have. I got in because of the writing skills I have developed over the years that I panic about when writing an essay. I got in because I was good enough. 

*remember that*