Mental Health Update

I haven't written on this blog since October, it's now January and not only many months later but a completely new year. Hi, 2019! Sorry I haven't properly welcomed you on here yet, as I will explain I've been really busy...

It feels weird to be writing about something that isn't counting towards my degree, at the moment I feel as if I'm in this constant state of churning out work. Tiny percentiles of my degree all chopped up into an assignment here, an essay there and what have you. But it feels nice to be writing about other things and an old favourite on my blog; the mental health chat. I want to warn you this is going to be a positive post, this isn't the kind of update you need to brace yourself for. This is good news

So, I barreled into second year quite excitedly. After a positive and productive summer, I finally felt confident and equipped for another year of University. Whilst I was still excited, the first few weeks really knocked that confidence out of me. I was overwhelmed with the workload and upcoming deadlines, I felt sure things were only going to go south from there and I started to have that nasty feeling rejoin my brain, the doubt was back. Introductions to new people and new modules, new classes and even new tutors were surprisingly overwhelming for me and I worried I would psych myself out too much that I wouldn't be able to get on with the year. But it all worked out okay! It took me a few months to properly get back into the swing of things if I'm honest, but once I was stuck back in there was no stopping me.

Already, this year has been miles ahead of my first year, I've chosen modules I have a real interest in (which helps) I'm surrounded by good people and have met some amazing new friends. I feel confident that this is what I am supposed to be doing. January however, has hit me like a brick. I feel like someone called my name and I looked up to find a brick flying towards my face with a label on it saying 'Deadlines' *shudder*

And although I've spent a large chunk of January not dressed, with food stains on my chin and hair resembling a birds nest. Even though I have not quite looked my best, I've been good! The truth is over Christmas it really hit me how happy I am. Sure I struggle with Depression and Anxiety every day and I know that won't go anywhere. But discussions with family over Christmas reminiscing on where I was the Christmas before, I was so unhappy. And I didn't even really realise it, but my first year of University took everything I had from me and then came back for seconds. From physical illness, to fake friendships, terrible living conditions and going onto medication for my depression. It's safe to say that second half of 2017 tested me. But I realised at Christmas that I was healthy, I was happy and I had perspective. I could look back at the year behind me and feel proud of where I had ended up.

Earlier on I was sat on the bus back from Uni and the sun was shining, I'd just attended a careers talk which made me feel positive about the future. Whilst I was sat on the bus I realised that I really am happy. Even if I'm not showing it much at the moment because my head is permanently stuck in my laptop, I really am in a good place. And I don't say any of this because I think I'm better than other people or because I want to gloat. I say it because so much of my life goes undocumented and I regret that. I love writing but I rarely document what's going on with myself and I really should. I say all of this because people rarely talk about the good sides of mental health, the ups as opposed to the downs. I think it's good that I share this because when I am inevitably feeling low at points in this year, I can return to this post and remember how I started it.

Embrace whatever you're feeling right now, recognise it, use it and learn from it. 

I'm feeling happy right now and that's okay! It's okay to feel happiness or sadness or whatever. But I'm enjoying soaking this up while I still can.

Thanks,

Molly

xxx