Someone elses weight is none of your business

I cannot. Stress. This. Enough. I can feel myself getting angrier as I'm typing this because I feel a lot of passion for this topic. But it's essential that you learn this, whenever you do, at age 14 or 40 that someone else's weight, is absolutely none of your business. 

I'd say most teenagers experience at least one issue when developing and changing, whether it's with their skin, mental health, relationships or their bodies. For me, my adolescence was defined by my body issues. I was pretty happy with my body as a child, I was never really made to feel as if it was something I should think about, let alone be ashamed of. But around the age of 11 or 12 I started to put on weight and as I entered secondary school I felt the air around me change. I'd gone from a little school full of innocence and friendship to a bigger school full of new people, new views and a new, harsher eye watching me. As I grew through my teen years as did my issues with my body, for a few years I knew no peace with myself, just shame and anger and discomfort. Always feeling as if the body I was in was temporary and that one day, when I wasn't fat, I'd be happy. But as frequently as my friendship groups changed, as did my body. My weight fluctuated often, ranging from sizes 12 and 14 to 18 and 20. And at each size, I felt uncomfortable, much like goldilocks, it just wasn't quite right.

But I know now, looking back that whatever size I was and whatever I did to my body, I wasn't happy. I had an unhealthy relationship with body image in general and as a result, never came to terms with the way I looked. I didn't talk about it, I buried it deeper and deeper and put on fake confidence so that people around me thought I was fine. But the more I ignored how I was feeling, the worse it got. And in turn, the worse my relationship with weight got. I'm very lucky that I never experienced an eating disorder as a teenager, as with many teen girls experiencing weight issues it can almost feel inevitable. However, like most people I spent so much of my teenhood feeling unhappy with myself. But as I got to the age of 17, I started to feel a little better about my body, I began to take a bit more pride in it and this then bred a feeling of confidence in me that I hadn't experienced before. Over the next few years or so, I went through periods of body confidence and then shattering body insecurity. Just as I started to feel as if I could accept the body that I was in, something would knock my confidence again and I'd slouch back into the insecurities that I knew so well.

However in the past two years or so, I've begun to accept the body that I have and appreciate it for all that it does for me. Something switched in me a few years ago and I've started to feel more and more as if I enjoy the body that I have. Now no one's relationship with their body stays the same for long and of course during this period of positivity, there have been down days. Just as our bodies change throughout the day and at different angles in different lighting, as do our attitudes towards them. But these last few years have been a real journey of acceptance for me. At least to just, in the smallest way, accept the body I have. Not always enjoy it, or think it's particularly aesthetically pleasing. But in the most simple terms, it's my body and I accept how I look.

That may not please some people, in fact, it may anger them. I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me smile just a little bit. But the truth is, I just really don't care. What's interesting about my body, is that at my smallest weight, I was my unhealthiest. At a size 12, you might have thought I looked fabulous, but inside I was broken and confused and struggling. I had an unhealthy relationship with food and weight and although I was tight and perky, inside I was rotting. And at my weight now, almost my heaviest, I'm incredibly mentally healthy. I'm confident, happy and secure. My mental health is stable and I am happy.

So do yourself and everyone else around you a huge favour and remember this next time you feel the need to speak up about someone else's weight or body. You. Never. Know. What. Is. Going. On. In. Someones. Head. You never know how healthy or unhealthy someone is on the inside, you never know what goes on behind closed doors. And frankly, it is absolutely none of your business what does. And you have to consider the effect your words can have on someone else and their well being. What may seem like simple words to you, can sit on someone's shoulders and weigh them down for years. I'm still battling negative comments that I've been fed over the years, however kindly-worded or in passing they may have been. They stay with you. So think before you speak and never ever invite yourself into someone else's body without their consent and permission. And if someone says to you that they don't feel comfortable talking about their weight or body. Respect that, understand it and step back. Focus on your own body and for gods sake leave theirs alone.

Molly

xx