Violence towards women
It was international women's day this week, Meghan Markle bravely told Oprah that she was suicidal and Piers Morgan said she was lying, Sarah Everard went missing and is now presumed dead. All in one week. I'm exhausted.
I'm so angry I could cry, I have cried. I'm not going to spill facts, statistics and numbers into this piece because people may feel they need evidence. Google is free, research is free and I promise you the numbers are out there. Violence towards women is a widespread, dangerous disease that plagues us all and I'm not going to waste my time or yours trying to convince you that it's real. If you still don't believe us, you need serious psychological evaluation. Perhaps you've hit your head and you're now severely delusional. Being a woman is almost an act of defiance, whether we choose it or not. Everyday our lives are put at risk, simply for existing. Misogyny is so deeply embedded in everything, every conversation, every look, every expectation. Women are deemed a secondary class and so violence, abuse, anger, disrespect are tolerated, allowed. Violence towards women is an issue deeper than we even realise, the need for men to assert dominance and objectify, belittle and berate women comes from a superiority complex men have been fed by a patriarchal society that has told them from birth, they are better. From day one women have been positioned in society as sexual objects, purely existing to please men. From pornography to movies to books to newsreaders. Society, the media have told men that women are there's for the taking. That they are orifices, sexual, life breeding, mothers, prostitutes, caretakers and ultimately objects for male desire. Rape culture is steeped in the idea that womens bodies are open for the taking, that they have no autonomy and power and that men have and should have the right to take us.
Men have absolutely no idea what it's like on a daily basis, walking home from work or school. Crossing the street to avoid strange men, zipping up your coat, carrying your key between your fingers as a weapon and as a speedy escape tool once you get near home. Constantly looking behind you, avoiding dark areas, dipping into shops or more public spaces 'just in case' We live in constant fear for our lives. You may think that's dramatic, that we're over exaggerating. We. Are. Not. We look at a case like Sarah Everards and we don't have the privilege to forget about her, to move on. We mourn, we grieve. Because we know it could have been us. If a man was out that night with the intention to kill harm or assault a woman, any woman could have been the target. She did everything we're told to do, everything 'right' she wore bright clothing, stayed in well lit areas, called her boyfriend etc etc etc. But shock, she still got kidnapped. Because maybe it isn't about womens behaviour. I've had friends be assaulted at 9am at the bus stop before school, at work in the office, by family members, at church, in shops, online, in gyms, at night in the dark in the middle of the day. So where are we safe? Nowhere. We aren't safe until mens behaviour changes. I don't want to hear 'not all men' because it's enough men. It's a lot of men. It's so many men that we're afraid of all of you just in case. We need to change the way we educate men, we need to change the conversations surrounding consent, rape culture, harassment and boundaries. We need to teach young boys that women and girls are not things that they can grab when they're horny. Women are people with minds and personalities and opinions and real problems. We are not objects for your desire.
I'm so sick and tired of living in a society that prioritises literally anything else over womens safety. I'm so angry and let down that the man arrested in connection with Sarah Everards murder is a police officer. Where and who and how are we supposed to feel safe? Why are police officers allowed to hurt women and kill black men and generally break their own laws. And I'm a white, cisgendered woman and so I experience extreme privilege on a daily basis that I'm not a woman of colour or transgender. Because if I was, the danger of being assaulted would be even higher. I am so tired. Tired of the men in my life making excuses and not understanding. I hate that I or my best friends or my cousins or my mum could become just another statistic. I can't believe I have to sit here and remind you that women are PEOPLE. You don't even understand how long we've dealt with this. The first time I was catcalled I was 8 years old walking to the shop, I had white shorts on and construction men leered at me talking about my legs. I was a child. I've sat in assemblies as a teenager while teachers have asked female students to not wear such short skirts or not show their shoulders for fear of distracting the male teachers. Male, adult, teachers, Grown MEN. We were told as children to change the way we were dressed for fear of adult men leering at us. Instead of these staff members possibly worrying why adult men were participating in predatory and peodophilic behaviours, we were blamed. Make it make sense.
I'm exhausted because I have to piece together words and sentences to convince you that these things happen, to fight for my rights I have to construct these arguments and then wear them like armour to protect myself. Life shouldn't be this hard.
Ever since I was a teenager I've been trying to have these conversations, trying to convince people that feminism is necessary and that these issues are real. I'm tired of badgering the same points, desperately gasping for breath as I list these lived experiences and examples to you. We've evolved and developed so much in the last 50, 100 years. We invented electricity, cured diseases, travelled to the moon. Yet we still treat women like objects. We still expect women to be beautiful before they are brilliant, before they are intelligent or kind or trustworthy. We value beauty above anything else in a woman because surely that is our one obligation while we occupy a space on this earth? To be beautiful, to be desired, to have babies and to die. To die, at the hands of men.
I am tired.
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk
https://www.endviolenceagainstwomen.org.uk
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