Feminism, Love island and the fetishisation of youth
Every year I flock to Love Island not because I'm expecting an excellent portrayal of my personal beliefs and feminism but because it's trashy, easy to watch and helpful to switch your brain off to. In truth I love the show, it's not perfect but it's enjoyable and I tend to love the social commentary it encourages. However this year (more than usual) I've found myself angered by the men in the villa and their attitudes towards women. From the first episode Brad choosing Faye in the line up by saying 'the one in the blue' to Aaron recently saying his biggest turn off is arm hair. The men are a peculiar mixture between traditional 50's misogynists and the more modern gym going instagram model misogynists. They embody everything wrong with the dating scene and in particular the dangers, pressures and expectations women face upon entering it. I always wait for men on this show to surprise me and sometimes, on very few occasions there have been men like Ovie Soko or Jamie Jewitt that have been genuinely decent men. However this year the men, sorry lets call them boys- the boys are pissing me off a lot more than normal.
In love island a classic preface to any deep, intellectual conversation is the 'whats your type?' line and don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with having one, nothing wrong with having certain physical preferences after all we can't help what we're attracted to. But the ways in which the men answer these questions, completely negating any glimmer of personality, humour, kindness or intellect and instead describing their perfect women like they're reeling off their KFC order 'thighs, breasts, bum' it's pretty sickening. I get it, I'm a bisexual woman and I find women sexually attractive all the time, I'm only human and women are just amazing. But when faced with the question 'whats your ideal woman like' and you answer describing body parts and particular sizes, shapes etc that you want without ever mentioning the woman those parts belong to. That's very strange. For centuries women have been objectified, placed into boxes by men based upon their sexual desirability. Mothers or whores, 'fuckable' or not. In many of these mens minds women exist to please them, visually, sexually and otherwise. In these conversations women aren't people anymore, they aren't human beings with minds and emotions and body hair or any kind of imperfection. They exist inside a vacuum these men have created, a vacuum in which women are; docile, smooth, busty, always up for a shag but not a slut, fitting the standards of instagram beauty whereby they have large lips, clear skin, long lashes, long hair, tight bums but not 'fake' they can have had surgery but I don't want them to look like they've had it. Natural but not. A perfect doll that doesn't answer back or have opinions unless they're the opinions the men also have. I'll let them speak every few hours or so just to keep their lips moist and stop them from deflating. 'We're not asking for much, except the idea of women we've created in our heads.'
Another element of the show that's reared its ugly head this season is this idea of youth and newness being glorified. Every time a new girl is brought into the villa it's like the new kid joining your primary school and everyone flocking to be their best friend. Except with this it's the new shiny toy the boys want to fuck. It's perpetuating this strange trope we often see in media, the older divorced midlife crisis men going for the bouncy, fresh faced 20 year olds because they represent the best that money can buy. It's a game, a game in which women are objects and to show that you have won, to show off your woman to all your friends you have to have the best looking, youngest, perkiest one. Not because you genuinely like them but because you like the way they look on your arm, they're this seasons hottest accessory that you simply must have. But come next season you'll throw this toy out of your pram. It's like supermarkets reshuffling stock by their sell by date. Bringing in new merchandise and scrapping the old. This all stems from a toxic and sickening standard in society of the infantilisation of women. Wanting women to be little girls. Assigning women their worth based upon their age and the freshness of their face and body. There are paedophilic standards embedded in this, people think that to use the word paedophilic I have to be talking about children but that's not always the case. The infantilisation of women in society is a paedophilic standard, forcing women to maintain unrealistic expectations and standards of 'beauty' such as body hair removal, surgery, makeup, clothing choices etc that make them look as young as possible whilst being legally fuckable. It's the porn thing of a 18 year old girl in a schoolgirl outfit. These expectations in society to be smooth like a little girl, petite, docile, giggly at the right times and gentle, all play into this. Aaron in love island saying his biggest turn off is womens arm hair, saying he wants a housewife and he hates overly confident or opinionated women are all different ways in which women are expected to be subservient. Whether it's fitting with paedophilic standards or not, in these mens eyes women are to be seen and not heard.
And not to really hammer home on Aaron but he has also said he really doesn't like when women express opinions, speak up or get into any kind of confrontation. So basically when a woman has any kind of negative emotions he sees that as a turn off for him. Interestingly though, womens emotions don't exist to fulfil you sexually, a woman feeling angry or upset about something or heaven forbid having an opinion shouldn't have any impact on your potential attraction towards them. Women are allowed to exist outside of male desire and not everything they do and say is an attempt to secure a mans attraction. Sometimes we just want to exist and feel things without ridicule or without the fear of a man suddenly losing sexual interest in us. Also this sexual gratification from men doesn't pump the blood around our bodies, it doesn't keep us alive and sustain us. It's nice when a man you like finds you sexually attractive but despite what porn and the media might have taught men, we don't live every second of our day hoping that what we're doing is turning you on.
Ultimately, as it's been said so many times feminism is about choice. Freeing people from the chains of a sexist and patriarchal society and allowing women to be whatever they want to be. Feminism is about exploring the ways in which women are controlled and releasing them from that control. Of course it's naive to say that anyone goes to love island expecting a nuanced take on feminism or equality, nobody expects that. And this isn't even really about the show, this is about every element of popular media, tv, film, porn, etc perpetuating these standards and sexualising, infantilising, shaming and ridiculing women. This is about the ways in which the female body gets bombarded with shame, expectation, abuse and judgement. When all we want is just to exist in peace.
Molly,
xx
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