i've grown so much this past year

2015 left me shaken, empty and very numb. I was a shell of a person, a weird weak version of myself. And at the start of last year, with the remains of that very difficult year on my back, i had no idea what i was doing and where i was going. I felt incredibly directionless, like i was swimming in a pool of bubble wrap with no clue how to get out, i was stuck. I threw myself into new things in a last minute attempt to save my mental health and fix what had been broken inside me. Very slowly but surely, since then, little pieces of my once broken soul were put back together. I was finally becoming a puzzle near completion, at the stage where you can actually see what's being built. I started to smile more, go outside more, experiment with creativity and throw myself into things that scared me.

In terms of my physical self, you would look at a picture of me from this time last year compared to me now and think that i've gotten fatter, but that's about it. Oh and my hairs grown. But inside me, in my soul, spirit and personality i have become a brand new person. A new and improved version of my former self. I've only really realised it this month, how much i've changed, how quickly i've recovered and grown. I am so much more mature and strong now, i stand tall, shoulder to shoulder with my insecurities and past problems and i smile. Because i am formidable now. I mean sure i can still be prone to the ocassional panic attack or depressive day, that won't go away permanently. But my skin has thickened this year, i've learnt so much about myself, about life and about true strength. I've learnt about loyalty and forgiveness. I've learnt which situations warrant a reaction, i've learnt to control my ocassional hot headed anger, learnt to dig deep and meditate. I've learnt which friendships were bad for me and that my mental health and wellbeing takes priority. I've just grown SO much, and it's only really hitting me now.

And i'm just basically incredibly proud of myself and my achievements. How far i've come and how ready i am to go even further. Every day i learn new things about myself, about life and happiness. I've opened my mind to new people, new experiences and new life lessons. I feel wise beyond my years, i'm only 19 but feel as if i have the wisdom and experience of a mid twenties woman. I'm starting to really love myself and my life. And whilst i still suffer from insecurities, especially when it comes to my physical appearance, i love my mind. I love my smile, my laugh, my outlook on life. I love that i have so many friends and i love that i have the ability to light up a room, despite the darkness of my past.

I'm just very happy today and soppy. I'm reminiscient of my past and proud of my accomplishments. And i don't see any problem in sharing that.

Speak soon,
Molly
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